Sunday, 20 September 2015

Turning a corner...

At the start of last year I was a different person. To start with, I was about 30 kilos (66 pounds) lighter. I was a bit of a gym junky - I would work out 6 times a week. And I LOVED to take part in obstacle races.

Then I injured my left foot. I had plantar fasciitis. Don't know what that is? Read about it HERE. It's freaking painful. My foot was so painful that when my physio even applied the lightest of touches, I was in pain. As well as having a lot of therapy done on my foot, three times a day I rolled my foot over a frozen bottle of water. I strapped my foot - but had to stop doing that as I became allergic to the sticky stuff on the bandage. I was advised to stop exercising, and after six months of this, I ended up getting a corticosteroid injection. And that worked.

I eased back in to exercise.

My left foot was holding up well.

But, then I got plantar fasciitis in my right foot. Granted, not as severe. But, once again I eased up on exercise and got treatment for my foot. I didn't have to have an injection this time.

And because these things happen in three - I injured my shoulder. I was told not to do any more obstacle races.

Now, I should have mentioned that the reason I was so active was because I was doing a weightloss challenge - actually, I was doing several, one after the other. They were being run by one off the trainers from The Biggest Loser Australia.

So, to me, being told not to exercise was shattering to me. I've battled with my weight all my life. I was devastated. And petrified of putting the weight back on.

My depression got really really bad. I slipped back into old habits of thinking. The negative thoughts were back. With a vengeance. I called myself every name under the sun. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I was too ugly. Too fat. Too blah. Hideous was a word I used often.

And, to top it all off, all the clothes I had bought to fit my fab new body no longer fit. And that was a challenge for me. Because when I went to buy more clothes I was going up a size, each time. 

Which, made me hate myself even more.

My new eating habits had long been forgotten.

And so the vicious cycle started again. And again. And again.

Recently, I've been going through a hard time. What? What I've just described wasn't a hard time? Well, it was, but things have come to a head.

I've come to a realisation that I can't keep going on like this. I have to make a choice. Continue the way I'm going. OR, do something about it.

I'm choosing to do something about it.

For the first time I admitted to my Doctor - I need help. And I admitted to my sister I need help. And I'm getting it. In the form of therapy. I haven't started it yet, and I'm apprehensive about it, but I'm looking forward to it.

I've also rejoined the gym - I know I won't be like I was before. Various injuries won't allow me to - and to be honest, I don't want to be like the way I was. I was obsessed with exercising. I would spend hours, six days a week at the gym.

That's way too much! And I still need time to do other things. Like write.

So, I'm going to go 3, maybe four times a week. And only for an hour each go. 

I've got a great, easy and realistic eating plan to follow.

And I'm feeling good abut this.

Will keep you all posted on my progress.


  1. I totally understand your battles, Louise. You are strong, though, and you can be healthy and happy again. Sending good thoughts your way!

  2. Thanks, Jeannie. I think when you are struggling the best thing to do is reach out for help. I've always been open about my struggles with depression with the hope it'll help someone realize there's nothing wrong or shameful about it.

  3. Good for you for asking for help. Sometimes we just can't do it on our own. Good luck!

  4. Good luck and good for you. I hope you continue to feel better every day.

  5. I'm so sorry about your injuries and your struggles. Interestingly enough I have done and had all these things. I do take it easier now and mostly just walk. Depression is really tough. I think it's great you're getting help. Sometimes it's good to talk to someone who can put things in perspective and give you a kind voice. Our own perspectives are so narrow. The negative self talk, I don't know where it comes from, but it can be turned up so loudly in some people. The kind, calm and rational voice of a good therapist can start to replace the negativity. I am really excited for you for the step you are taking and the freedom you will achieve to enjoy your life and your writing. Kudos...and hugs. Nicci Carrera

  6. Good luck, Louise. I have been heavy since I was a baby, but it really came on as a teenager. I've never had luck losing weight. But what I have had luck with is getting plenty of exercise and activity. In high school I played volleyball, soccer, basketball, and was in the marching band. I translated some of that into my college years, but then I got lazy. Now I'm over 50, but I work out a couple times a week (Zumba), ride my bike, walk stairs, and rarely sit still for long at home (working in the garden, making jam, working on crafts). I have not lost weight, but I feel better than I have in years. Those years when I wasn't active? I had two knee surgeries, shoulder surgery, broke my leg falling down the stairs... Almost three years ago I fell in the mountains (I live in Colorado and love to go hiking) after a long hike. Surgery and 10 pounds of hardware later, I am walking, but can no longer hike. Bums me out. But I eat right (lots of fresh foods and no junk food at all) and keep moving, and I feel great, despite my size. You can do this, with or without the weight loss. Aim for healthy, both body and mind. Your therapist should help!

    1. Susabelle, you are so right. It's not about numbers on a scale.

  7. I'm cheering you all the way, Louise. I've struggled all of my life with weight, too. I've had knee injuries, ankle, etc., but now I do gentle exercises. I walk, bike ride (which helped to strengthen my knees), and yoga. Plus, I've learned to love the body I have, which is something many women have a hard time dealing with. I applaud your post, because you've shown courage by telling us. Take one day at a time, one step at a time, and enjoy YOU! :) Hugs!

  8. Good for you! (insert sound of large crowd cheering here) Our society screws with our heads - according to the media, we can never be good enough without using whatever product is the latest craze. Stepping back from that crap and discovering who you are at heart is a huge step, once that requires courage. You've got the right stuff! Asking for help is great, and don't forget to keep asking for assistance when needed. Doesn't make you less of a person to ask for more aid further down the road. And always remember that you are beautiful and worthy in every moment. Plus, you write a kick-ass book !