In no particular order... *and no I'm not a dad!*
1. Tulips are better than one.
2. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
3. Where does Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies.
4. What did the late tomato say to the early tomato? I'll ketch up
5. I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.
6. Velcro… What a rip-off.
7. What's Forest Gump's Facebook password? 1forest1
8. I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.
9. I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have grater problems.
10. A termite walks into a bar and asks "Is the bar tender here?"